Last year, I moved to British Columbia. As you can imagine, the tree game here is absolutely spectacular. Every day as I walk through the forest near my house, I see every possible shape of life creating and re-creating itself in the damp, fertile soil. I see nurse logs - dead fallen trees donating their nutrients to new baby trees that grow out of them - protecting them from pathogens. I see every possible shape of tree growing in every direction, and you know what? The weirdest ones are my absolute favorites. The trees that, despite all expectations of gravity, have somehow grown in a zig-zag in an attempt to reach toward the sun’s nutrients. I stand in awe of this unique manifestation of nature, of God, of Source - and then I walk out of the forest into the hubbub of humans and bicycles and tourists, and 90% of that wonder immediately falls away.
This is one of Ram Dass’s most practical teachings, and one that I keep having to re-learn. We all judge, we all create projections, running private movies in our heads of how we’re expecting something will go and then feeling distraught when the reality turns out to be … not that.
This teaching is not permission for bad behavior. It’s not asking us to stay in relationship with someone who is actively hurting us. It’s a road map toward loving people without trying to change who they are.
As the lovely late Bob Ross said, “Anything we don't like, we'll turn it into a happy little tree or something…”
— Rachael Fisher, Creative Director, Love Serve Remember Foundation // RamDass.org
Ram Dass: When I'm in a relationship with somebody else and what they do upsets me, I understand that my life experiences are the gift of my Guru in order to bring me to God, that if somebody upsets me, that's my problem.
This is a hard one because we don't usually think these ways in this culture. What I see other people as, I see them as trees in the forest.
You go into the woods and you see gnarled trees and live oaks and pines and hemlocks and elms and things like that. And you're not inclined to say, “I don't like you because you're a pine and not an elm.” You appreciate trees the way they are. But the minute you get in here, humans. You notice how quick it changes. There's a way in which you don't allow humans to just manifest the way they are.
You take it personally. You keep taking other people personally.
All they are are mechanical runoffs of old karma. I mean, they look real and they think they're real, but really what they are is mechanical runoff. So they say, rrrr, see and you karmically go, rrrr! And then one of you says, “We've got to work this out,” and the other says, “Yes we must,” and then you start to work it out and it's all mechanical. It's all conditioned stuff.
So if somebody comes along and gets to me, they get me angry or uptight or they awaken some desire I go, “Wow, am I delighted! They got me.” And that's my work on myself. If I'm angry with you because your behavior doesn't fill my model of how you should be, that's my problem for having models. No expectations, no upset. If you're a liar and a cheat, that's your karma. If I’ve cheated, that's my work on myself.
Why am I attempting to change you? That's a whole other ballgame. What I'm saying is I will only be happy if you are different than you are. You're asking for it. Really asking for it.
Think of how many relationships you say, “I really don't like that person's this. If they would only be this, if I can only manipulate them to be this, I can be happy.”
Is that weird? Why can't I be happy with them the way they are?
You're a liar, a cheat, and a scoundrel, and I love you. I won't play any games with you, but I love you.
It's interesting to move to the level where you can appreciate, love, and allow in the same way you would in the woods, instead of constantly bringing in that judging component which is really rooted out of your own feelings of lack of power.
Judging comes out of your own fear. I fall prey to it all the time, but every time I do, I catch myself.
Published by the Love Serve Remember Foundation, the nonprofit caretaker of Ram Dass’s teachings since 2010. Learn more at RamDass.org or join our virtual community and archive at Inneracademy.ramdass.org.
